1. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half an hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
2. Jack Bauer knows the answer to whether the chicken or egg came first…unfortunately nobody’s successfully tortured this out of him yet.
3. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a terrorist.
4. As a kid, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
5. It took God Six days to create the world; Jack only has 24 hours to save the world.
6. Jack Bauer doubted the authenticity of the Bible, so he brought the authors back to life and tortured them until he was certain they were telling the truth.
7. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
8. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
9. Jack Baeur is the only human being who has never needed to take a piss, a dump or recharge his cellphone.
10. Everybody makes mistakes. Except Jack Bauer.
11. When Google can’t find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
12. If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
13. When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other side of the line.
14. Jack Bauer once killed a coworker who had skin cancer. Jack Bauer hates moles.
15. Jesus died and rose from the dead in three days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour.