The Internet’s best Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried…Ever.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
I once had the pleasure of shaking Chuck Norris hand. I now only have 1 arm.
The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Fox originally cast Chuck in 24, but producers replaced him after every terrorist was killed by 10 minutes and 35 seconds.
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poo, because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…..horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never f**ks up
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
589778788798…What does this number represent? The number of bad guys arses chuck norris has kicked.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris counted to Infinity…twice!
Chuck Norris does not Love Raymond.
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars Movies…he played the Force.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him!

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Pfizer-BioNTech vaccines’ reduction in supplies causes dissatisfaction within EU

This week, Pfizer is delivering twice less vaccines against COVID-19 to some EU member states than it was agreed This fact contributed to a growing dissatisfaction within the European Union. Romania will thus receive 50 percent of the planned quantities this week, and deliveries will increase gradually, so that Bucharest will receive the agreed quantities only at the end of March, Deputy Health Minister Andrej Baciu told Reuters. The situation is similar in Poland, which received 176.000 doses on Monday, or 50 percent less than expected. The Czech government is also slowing down the vaccination campaign due to procurement problems. “We must expect that there will be a reduction in the number of vaccinations in the next three weeks,” Health Minister Jan Blatný told reporters. The delivery of the Pfizer vaccine will be lower by 15% this week, and by 30% next week. Pfizer pharmaceutical company told Bulgaria and Poland that it would make up for the missing doses. However, the Danish Serum Institute announced that 50 percent less doses this week will lead to a 10 percent reduction in the first quarter. Officials in these countries say the reduction in supplies undermines their efforts to implement mass vaccination. Italy […]

World

16 December 2020

The foundation stone laid for Toyo Tires manufactory plant in Indjija

President Vučić attended ceremony of laying the foundation stone for the construction of the tire factory of the Japanese company Toyo Tires in Indjija. It is one of the world’s largest tire companies that will construct and operate a new tire manufacturing plant in the Northeast Industrial Zone of the municipality of Indjija, two kilometers from the city center. Today, at the ceremony of laying the foundation stone for the plant of the Japanese Toyo Tires in Indjija, President Aleksandar Vučić pointed out that this is an investment of great importance, and that the company will be one of the largest exporters from Serbia, pointing out that the company’s exports will reach € 240 million. “Exports of Toyo Tires will be at the level of 240 million euros, and that will be one of the most important and most powerful exporters from the territory of Serbia,” Vucic emphasized. He says that these are huge incentives for the development of the Serbian economy, but it is even more important that, after this investment, we expect the arrival of new Japanese companies. “This is an important thing for Serbia, of great importance,” Vucic emphasized. He specified that this is an investment of […]

Business & Economy

16 December 2020

Lavrov: Russia supports Belgrade-Pristina compromise

Russian FM Sergey Lavrov said on Tuesday Moscow was interested in seeing the EU achieve practical results as the facilitator of the Belgrade-Pristina dialogue, but noted that they must be implemented in an impartial manner and that Pristina’s sabotage when it comes to respect of agreements must be tackled. Russian FM Sergey Lavrov said on Tuesday Moscow was interested in seeing the EU achieve practical results as the facilitator of the Belgrade-Pristina dialogue, but noted that they must be implemented in an impartial manner and that Pristina’s sabotage when it comes to respect of agreements, including the deal on a Community of Serb Municipalities, must be tackled. Lavrov reiterated Russia was advocating respect of UN SC Resolution 1244, which he said must be the foundation for seeking any agreement with Pristina. “Our position is unchanged, we support the seeking of compromise, but only one that suits the Serbs, not the tendencies that want confrontation in the region,” Lavrov told a press conference after meeting with Serbian President Aleksandar Vucic in Belgrade. Lavrov also welcomed Serbia’s balanced foreign policy and its policy of military neutrality, which he said was particularly important for the region.

Politics

18 November 2020

Medvedev wins with underarm serve at ATP Finals

Medvedev wins with underarm serve at ATP Finals Novak Djokovic of Serbia celebrates winning match point against Diego Schwartzman of Argentina during their singles tennis match at the ATP World Finals tennis tournament at the O2 arena in London, Monday, Nov. 16, 2020. (AP Photo/Frank Augstein) Daniil Medvedev pulled off an underarm serve as he outlasted Alexander Zverev and joined Novak Djokovic as a winner at the ATP Finals on day two Monday. Medvedev prevailed 6-3, 6-4, while Djokovic cruised past Finals debutant Diego Schwartzman 6-3, 6-2 in an empty O2 Arena, write Yahoo. Djokovic and Medvedev meet on Wednesday to secure the group lead. Medvedev led 4-3, 30-30 in the second set when he surprised Zverev with a quick underarm serve. It brought the German to the net and he lost the point when his backhand block volley flew long. ”My wide serve was not working as well as I would like and he was returning good,” Medvedev said. ”I see that he was five meters behind the baseline and I have the ball close to my racket, so I thought, ‘Go for it.’ ”It actually worked. It’s also smart.” Two games later, he served a love game to […]

World

11 September 2020

Covid19 – Travel Advisory – 21. 8. 2020.

The entry of foreign citizens to the Republic of Serbia has been regulated as follows in order to prevent spreading of contagious diseases to the country’s territory: foreign citizens entering the Republic of Serbia from the Republic of North Macedonia, Republic of Bulgaria, Romania and the Republic of Croatia are allowed to enter the Republic of Serbia if they have a negative PCR test not older than 48 hours, issued by the referent national laboratory of the country they are coming from, i.e. entering the territory of Serbia from. Serbian citizens arriving from these countries are exempted from thе afore-mentioned conditions when entering the Republic of Serbia. The following categories of foreign citizens are exempted from the afore-mentioned conditions when entering the Republic of Serbia from one of these four countries: 1) foreign citizens transiting through the territory of the Republic of Serbia. Transit for foreign citizens shall be limited to the period of up to 12 hours from the time of entry to the territory of the Republic of Serbia; 2) foreign citizens who transited for no longer than 12 hours through Republic of North Macedonia, Republic of Bulgaria, Romania and the Republic of Croatia; 3) foreign citizens with a leave to stay or permanently settle […]

Visa

18 July 2020

When Serbian flag flew above the White House

On July 28th 1918, the 4th anniversary of the beginning of World War I, Serbian flag flew above the White House and all public buildings in American capital by the order of President Woodrow Wilson. This unique event, a Serbian flag flying above the White House in Washington, took place over 9 decades ago but remained a memorable act of the US President Woodrow Wilson towards Serbia that submitted the ultimate sacrifice in “The Great War” – it lost 26% of its population and had a precedent in the war history when almost its entire population had to withdraw from their homeland. Thanks to the great scientist Mihajlo Pupin, a friend of the American President, the work of the Serbian Mission in the States and Serbian representative in Washington, Ljubomir M. Mihailović, a series of manifestations took place in June and July, while the central event took place on July 28th, when the President Wilson gave the following message to the American people: To the People of the United States: On Sunday, 28th of this present month, will occur the fourth anniversary of the day when the gallant people of Serbia, rather than submit to the studied and ignoble exactions […]

World

The Internet’s best Chuck Norris Jokes