Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried…Ever.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- I once had the pleasure of shaking Chuck Norris hand. I now only have 1 arm.
- The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
- If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
- Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
- Fox originally cast Chuck in 24, but producers replaced him after every terrorist was killed by 10 minutes and 35 seconds.
- Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
- Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poo, because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…..horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never f**ks up
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- 589778788798…What does this number represent? The number of bad guys arses chuck norris has kicked.
- The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
- Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
- Chuck Norris counted to Infinity…twice!
- Chuck Norris does not Love Raymond.
- Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars Movies…he played the Force.
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.
- Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him!
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