The Internet’s best Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

1. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
2. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…and Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried…Ever.
4. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
5. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
6. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7. I once had the pleasure of shaking Chuck Norris hand. I now only have 1 arm.
8. The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
9. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
10. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
11. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
12. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
13. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
14. Fox originally cast Chuck in 24, but producers replaced him after every terrorist was killed by 10 minutes and 35 seconds.
15. Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
16. Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poo, because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
17. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…..horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
18. Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never f**ks up
19. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
20. 589778788798…What does this number represent? The number of bad guys arses chuck norris has kicked.
21. The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
22. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
23. Chuck Norris counted to Infinity…twice!
24. Chuck Norris does not Love Raymond.
25. Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars Movies…he played the Force.
26. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.
27. Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
28. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
29. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him!