The Internet’s best Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Unfortunately Chuck has never cried…Ever.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
I once had the pleasure of shaking Chuck Norris hand. I now only have 1 arm.
The post office were set to release a stamp commemorating Chuck Norris. This plan was doomed to fail because nobody can lick Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Fox originally cast Chuck in 24, but producers replaced him after every terrorist was killed by 10 minutes and 35 seconds.
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poo, because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse…..horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never f**ks up
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
589778788798…What does this number represent? The number of bad guys arses chuck norris has kicked.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris counted to Infinity…twice!
Chuck Norris does not Love Raymond.
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars Movies…he played the Force.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars look both ways.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him!

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Two new international airports in Serbia

According to the official Spatial Plan planned for a period between 2021 and 2035, published by the Ministry of Construction, Traffic and Infrastructure, Serbia will get two new international airports – one near Dobanovci, and the second one near Novi Sad, Ekapija reported. Due to the space limitation at the location of the existing airport in Belgrade, a new location is planned some 10 kilometers to the west of the “Nikola Tesla” airport, some 24 kilometers from Belgrade. Very close to the main E70 highway on Grmovac – Dobanovci – Deč route, writes B92. The future complex of the new airport with the 4F code covering an area of about 1,100 hectares, will have three runways, two passenger terminals, two freight terminals, a logistics and free customs zone, modern navigation equipment and a light marking system. Only 15 kilometers from Novi Sad As for Novi Sad, the spatial plan foresees airport location some 15 kilometers southeast of the largest city in the north of Serbia, near the A1 highway, on the Kovilj – Sajkas – Budisava route, covering a total of 300 hectares and a new 4E airport designation. The immediate vicinity of the main international railway road represents a […]

Business & Economy

9 March 2021

Novak Djokovic is world number one for a record 311 weeks, prompting partying in the streets of Belgrade

Hundreds of Novak Djokovic supporters staged boisterous street celebrations after the Serbian tennis superstar became the sole record-holder for most weeks overall as the men’s world number one. Djokovic topped the ATP rankings for the 311th week in his career, surpassing Roger Federer’s tally of 310. The 33-year-old’s latest stint at the top of the standings began in February 2020, when he reclaimed top spot from Spain’s Rafael Nadal. Djokovic and his family joined crowds watching fireworks in front of their restaurant in the new part of Belgrade. Main buildings downtown in the Serbian capital were lit with his portrait, including a light show displaying the best moments of his career. Jubilant fans chanted “Nolo, Nolo,” waved Serbian flags, and kept no social distancing despite the coronavirus pandemic. Djokovic had received serious criticism last year for his organisation of the Adria Cup charity tennis tournament in the midst of the pandemic. A number of players, including Grigor Dimitrov, Borna Coric and Djokovic himself tested positive for COVID-19 amid a lack of social distancing. At the celebration Djokovic addressed the crowd, saying, “Today is a special day for myself, my family as well as Serbia. Thank you for the success which […]

People

25 February 2021

Play Poker

Five-card draw poker is played with a standard deck of fifty-two cards. Each player is dealt five cards and then has the option to change up to three of his or her cards. The person with the best cards wins the game. It is possible to win with a weak hand (if you bluff everyone else into thinking you have a winning hand-more about that later), but there are nine winning patterns to aim for, in order from best to worst: Royal Flush: Ace, King, Queen, Jack, 10, all of the same suit. Straight Flush: Five cards of the same suit in numerical order. In a tie, the highest value card wins. If they are identical, the pot is shared. The Ace can count high or low, but not both, so for example K, A, 2, 3, 4 isn’t allowed, but A, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 10, J, Q, K, A are valid. Four of a Kind: Four cards of the same value. In a tie, the cards with the highest value win. Full House: Three of one value, two of another. If two players have a full house, the higher value of the threesome wins. Flush: Five cards […]

Tips

23 February 2021

Novak Djokovic cements title “King of Melbourne Park”

Novak Djokovic has defended his Australian Open crown for the third straight year with a dominant straight sets win over world No. 4 Daniil Medvedev. The world No. 1’s experience was the clear difference, with Djokovic weathering all kinds of challenges to seal the 7-5 6-2 6-2 win, and his ninth Australian Open title. The incredible victory keeps Djokovic’s immaculate Australian Open finals record intact as the Serbian chases down fellow greats Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal for total Grand Slam title wins. The loss for Medvedev leaves him winless in his two Grand Slam finals, putting a sour end to what was otherwise an excellent Australian Open campaign for the Russian fourth seed. Up until the loss to Djokovic, Medvedev hadn’t lost to a top 10 ranked player in 20 matches. “It’s a matter of time when you hold a Grand Slam that’s for sure,” a humble Djokovic said of Medvedev in his post-match speech. “If you don’t mind waiting a few more years. “I would like everyone just to appreciate what he has done – (a) 20 match winning streak in the last couple of months. Amazing.” Djokovic was eerily imposing early in the match, racing to a […]

People

22 January 2021

Pfizer-BioNTech vaccines’ reduction in supplies causes dissatisfaction within EU

This week, Pfizer is delivering twice less vaccines against COVID-19 to some EU member states than it was agreed This fact contributed to a growing dissatisfaction within the European Union. Romania will thus receive 50 percent of the planned quantities this week, and deliveries will increase gradually, so that Bucharest will receive the agreed quantities only at the end of March, Deputy Health Minister Andrej Baciu told Reuters. The situation is similar in Poland, which received 176.000 doses on Monday, or 50 percent less than expected. The Czech government is also slowing down the vaccination campaign due to procurement problems. “We must expect that there will be a reduction in the number of vaccinations in the next three weeks,” Health Minister Jan Blatný told reporters. The delivery of the Pfizer vaccine will be lower by 15% this week, and by 30% next week. Pfizer pharmaceutical company told Bulgaria and Poland that it would make up for the missing doses. However, the Danish Serum Institute announced that 50 percent less doses this week will lead to a 10 percent reduction in the first quarter. Officials in these countries say the reduction in supplies undermines their efforts to implement mass vaccination. Italy […]

World

16 December 2020

The foundation stone laid for Toyo Tires manufactory plant in Indjija

President Vučić attended ceremony of laying the foundation stone for the construction of the tire factory of the Japanese company Toyo Tires in Indjija. It is one of the world’s largest tire companies that will construct and operate a new tire manufacturing plant in the Northeast Industrial Zone of the municipality of Indjija, two kilometers from the city center. Today, at the ceremony of laying the foundation stone for the plant of the Japanese Toyo Tires in Indjija, President Aleksandar Vučić pointed out that this is an investment of great importance, and that the company will be one of the largest exporters from Serbia, pointing out that the company’s exports will reach € 240 million. “Exports of Toyo Tires will be at the level of 240 million euros, and that will be one of the most important and most powerful exporters from the territory of Serbia,” Vucic emphasized. He says that these are huge incentives for the development of the Serbian economy, but it is even more important that, after this investment, we expect the arrival of new Japanese companies. “This is an important thing for Serbia, of great importance,” Vucic emphasized. He specified that this is an investment of […]

Business & Economy

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The Minić wine house continues the family tradition of wine production on its own property, which was briefly interrupted in the post-war years due to well-known events that took place at the time. In the 1920s, the taverns and cafes of the Minić family under the name “Velika Župa” successfully operated in several cities of the then Kingdom.

Minić wine house

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The Internet’s best Chuck Norris Jokes